Day One Oregon ♡

I have been planning for the last month or so to visit my Mom in Oregon and stay a week. I get to see her once or twice a year but we are very close, and I was really looking forward to this MUCH needed trip. The amount of signs from the universe from the time I left Sacramento yesterday, up until today have been pretty damn cool. I’m paying attention. The drive KILLED me. I must’ve pulled over 7 times to stretch, breathe, just get out out of the car. None the less pain level is a 12 today 😦

I’m on this trip for a few reasons. I wanted to get away from all of the stress I have going on, and the horrible apartment I’m in at home. I wanted to see my Mom. I wanted to do a little research into the possibility of moving here, as that seems to be an option I may take at some point in my life. I wanted to bring my mom up to speed on my health, as I haven’t told her a lot of things. When I share with her bad news, my disability issues or just my life in general, a lot of time I get off the phone feeling very sad for making her sad. Or I feel an get that she didn’t make time for me when it was important. I can’t be a burden to those I love, it’s a very hard line to walk.

So far our first day has been awesome. We went to a pumpkin patch and I saw actual pumpkin chunkin. I heard about it on an episode of Modern Family but it really exists! Then we had a nice movie night,with munchies. Her husband enjoys the marijuana and I’m currently partaking as my pain level and nausea are too much to bear so we enjoyed some Oregon mango kush, and relaxed. I honestly could not relax and never stopped moving, never stopped fidgeting. My pains so bad, I can’t even catch my breath. I’ve learned a lil something today, and I have a feeling I will learn a lot on the next 7 days.

I need to speak up about what I need. When I’m hurting especially. If I’m going to advocate, I need to do it all the time. People can not read minds, they do NOT pick up on hints. Yes, I will get some bad reactions and that’s ok. I can’t always walk, or stand. I need to take breaks, and go slow. I need liquids because my mouth is dry, and have to be close to bathrooms. And when I stay quiet and not speak up, I’m lying to myself and everyone around me. That will only keep me invisible. I’m disabled. I was born this way, I’ll die this way. So I better figure out a way to communicate. Better than I’m trying too now. And I am trying.

I’m really happy to be here with my Mom. I love Oregon. 38 or not, I feel like a kid the second I’m around her. It probably has something to do with the sugar. I’m just glad I’m able to eat something. Be well my friends.



  1. painkills2 · October 12, 2015

    For a very long time, I tried to educate my family on what living in chronic pain is like. Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful, so I hope you have better luck with your family. I still have a hard time talking about how much pain I’m in, especially when I’m getting to know someone. But just like I can’t change my eye color, I can’t change the fact that I live with constant pain. It’s hard, though, to find a balance between being myself and trying not to bore people with how hard it is to live in pain. Everybody else is living their lives and I’m stuck in this prison. However, I’ve learned to wave through the bars, and you will, too. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • butyoudontlooksick77 · October 12, 2015

      For the most part, I’m always on my own. It would be nice to have support, and understanding. But I’m also aware that this is my pain and not theirs. Expectations are planned disappointments.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. rthff · October 12, 2015

    I think that you communicate your thoughts well!💙

    Liked by 1 person

    • butyoudontlooksick77 · October 13, 2015

      Thank you. I have my days, and I’ve always enjoyed writing. I’ve written poems since I was young 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • rthff · October 13, 2015

        Then don’t stop! Drop one on my Facebook group. I almost didn’t start myself until a good friend convinced me to.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. butyoudontlooksick77 · October 12, 2015

    I think it’s not so much that I need to start telling people what I need,but more about seeing who I’m afraid not to say what I need to. That’s becoming apparant. #invisible

    Liked by 1 person

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